Oh hai there you! 

I have such a love/hate relationship with my blog I don't even know if I should blog anymore. I hate the things I put up more than anything. I wish my blog could be so different.... "Well, then make it different" most of you probably think, but ok. Right now I can't. I have nothing to photograph with, for one. And I always get stuck... I wish I could just put up anything I want and just not really give a fuck, and just... argh, don't even know. And I hate that I can sit for hours with on post because it doesn't look the way I want. And the past post are so "artificial".. for the lack of a better word. Just things I put up because I didn't have anything else, and I hated those. 

OMG JUST SHUT UP ALREADY. ok. 

There is alot of things I love too. But most of the time the hate takes over. Lately even more. I get so frustrated blogging. And I've had absolutely nothing at all to put up the past.... year...

Ok. I just wanted to let you all know that I'll be back. Ehm, sounded like I was quitting, wasn't it? No. But... Just a little explaination I guess, and I wanted to tell you that I'll just take a break. <no joke, I've been on that break for so long now it's kinda obvious.

Do you even care anymore? The few people that keeps coming back. Why do you still care? Kinda amazed me, and confuses me... and all inbetween.

And I really miss talking to the few of you who have actually become my internet friends.

But yeah. Until then! AND WHEN I COME BACK I'LL FREAKING MAKE IT DIFFERENT. Deal. Yes. 

dead blog, hello.

fnuffe. 2010 & 2007.
i love him. yes, very much.

We The Kings- Check Yes Julie {acoustic}

i'm sitting listening on music with my new mp3player i got yesterday from my mom {because my last one completely died, the day after THIS actually. ironic huh? don't know how it's even possible, not surprised though....}. it was supposed to be a easter present, and i should have gotten it saturday, but since i was supposed to go running this morning i got it early {thaaank yooou!!}. but when i woke up the rain was pouring down, {scratch that, it's snowing now} of course... so that plan died kinda quick... i really miss my treadmill, like a lot. it's bloody cold outside, and since i have astma, i hate running if it's cold because that triggers the astma even more and it gets more difficult to breath properly.
but since we now live in an apartment i can't have the treadmill here. sad life, huh? i miss running... going freaking craaazy...... a year ago i would love running in the rain, because that's like one of the best things there is. but since i like to run longer now and have worked so hard and am now able to go on longer runs, the rain doesn't sound inviting... at all. just imagine running in cold rain for an hour? no thank you, i think i would get sick and die, and then regret it forever. kinda. yes, something like that anyways.

AAAH I MISS MY TREADMILL! urgh! 

{^me on the run with wilma the other day. i've only been running outside 2 times this season, and i would still run on my treadmill if i had the chance. it's deadly boring to stare into a wall for an hour, but i love it. with an audiobook in your ears it's amazing. and running outside is more difficult for me... mostly because it's harder  for me just getting myself out and just do it, with my treadmill it's just so much easier. getting my audiobook, shoes, running shorts and just freaking start running. not much more than that. running outside is more.... uh. and it's cold. can't stand cold. i'm dying, literally.

and i could literally go on forever about running, what it means to me, how i got started, motivational stuff that got me going. i've bombarded my friends with all that talk. but i could write it here to. it means so much to me. and this whole journey i'm on is so asdfghgf amazing. well, more about that some other time, i guess!}

i stumbled over this video maybe in november. and this is the video that got me going again. that reminded me how much i loved running, and how much it meant to me. and to start training again, not to get that dream body, but to feel good, is something that really got me starting again. and i'm forever thankful for that. just thought i would share it, if it might motivate somebody else. it did to me, anyways, in that dark place. 


---
i'm planing to go out on a walk now anyway. skipping the run for now. sadly, uuuh. both my body and mind is craving a long run. ah, crazy over here. well, going on a walk anyways. in the rain, listening to music. that's so cozy. and then i plan to answer comments. i really suck at that... i just wait until they are in a big pile, and then it takes forever to answer them. i need to get better at that. sorryyyy!

these person of goofyness i've spent the last few days with, that's why it's been a bit quiet. we haven't seen each other for one whole year, crazy. after a 4 hour busride {and a few days of thinking she wouldn't even get to come} she was finally here, and now she's gone. time moves too fast, as usual. it feels like we've known each other for ages. maybe 4, 5 years now? we actually met through my blog, lalala <thank you blog!!!!! she also had a blog, and also wrote about her dog which i did to at the time, and after a while we began to chat, which led to webcams and then long phonecalls. but we met for the first time november 2010, when she and her dad was visiting stockholm. she is such a goofball.





it was a snowstorm the day she came, and soooo cold... and it snowed like ever before, both me and my brother had to photograph the snowflakes flying, they were soooo big. what happened to the warmth and spring? uh. we who'd looking forward to spending every second outside, well that plan kinda failed. but we had a lovely time nontheless. and today the sky was blue and it was so sunny, so we atleast spent today outside. we spent the nights under blankets watching non-scary horrormovies and talking, not to forget about the tea... so much tea. and we went on a run. so. freaking. cold. i thought i was going to die by the middle of it. and we went shopping, dyed my hair pink, walked and walked, made delicious fruitsallads and just hung out. and today we spent the afternoon with my dogs sitting in the sun which was so lovely. i'm waiting for her to get home so she can send me the photos from her iphone, which was our main photo-source so hopefully i'll show you some more pictures soon. and the last two days i've slept like never before, oh so amazing. i who usually have insomnia and usually not getting any sleep before 4am. so asdfghj wonderful.

3½ days went by so fast. three long hugs later she got on the bus home. but we have already decided plans for the summer.

hopefully the future agrees with that plan!



i miss her already, it feels so empty. and i can't believe it was a whole year ago since last, doesn't feel like that at all. and she grew 12 cm since last, and now she is so much taller than me... although i have her age-wise, not my fault for being so short, haha.

And so much creepy stuff has happened, so we've both come to the conclusion that we are, indeed, twins. Yes. And she is 100 km away from me... but this summer we'll meet, and it'll hopefully be so amazing and non-awkward, well, not to count on the awkward part... haha!

It started out as just comments, here. She commented on my blog. And they were my favorite, something special about them, that made me just want to talk to her... and later on I added her on Facebook and made her get skype... I have much to thank my blog for, have I mentioned that before? She is one of the most asdfghjkjhg {<unable to discribe it better, just amazing} people I've ever known.  

And she is so so so nice. Just purely nice. And, yes, she is stunning. Did I mention that?

{Feeling alot of this, this, and this coming up....! not to forget this too.}

It’s like every time something actually goes right in my life someone somewhere says ”Oh she looks happy, let’s fuck up her life a little more”

^that, to such a degree it's not even funny. At all. 


The lens, the camera and the harddrive broke. In one freaking day.
So yes. This morning my lens broke. Literally broke. 2 pieces now. It fell out of my camerabag, because I'd layed it on top of the camera instead of under as I use to, and forgotten that so when I open it to take the camera out it smashes to the ground and is now literally in 2 pieces. 
I was so happy today, went on a long walk with my dogs and was so excited about my room and all. And I go out to photograph, for the first time in sooo long, just to photograph.... and the camera gets an "ERROR" and stops working.. And I don't know if it ever will.

When I come in, still happy despite the day, excited about my room and all. I come in and write a rant about my luck with technology and how I manage to break everything and how I last year broke my camera, computer and harddrive with everything within like 2 months and all...

I'd put the harddrive, learning from the last event, on the floor so it wouldn't fall when I moved my portable computer-table... But I'd, of cource, moved it back up, to put in the new pictures I'd taken outside... and forgotten, of course. So when I move it, the harddrive smashes to the ground. And is now completely death. Well, there goes everything from 2010 and up. I have nothing left now. And I was writing in the rant that it wouldn't surprise me if my computer broke now, after the day... and the thing with the harddrie happens, minutes later....

I seriously don't understand. As soon as I'm happy, something goes seriously wrong. I swear, someone doesn't want me to be happy. It's gotten to a so serious degree that it's extreme, and the people in my surrounding doesn't even believe me sometimes.... but I'm not joking. If I were to write down everything, everything.... you wouldn't even believe me. 

The lens, the camera and the harddrive. In one freaking day.
And it doesn't really matter if I'm a klutz or not. Things break even when I have nothing to do with it, this is a rarely - me being the cause. I'm not even joking, I usually have nothing to do with it. People wonder what I'm doing to my stuff, and I have no idea... Now they broke of gravitational causes, but even without that....And I'm completely broke. Like seriously broke. I can't afford to buy anything new. And a new camera cost 10 000 sek, the lens 1000 sek and a new harddrive around 2000 sek I guess. I don't even think I can afford to even repair it, I'm sure the repair will cost even more than the camera itself...

Today was not a good day. At all.

I fuck everything up. I don't know what's up with me and my luck. And someone definitely doesn't want me to be happy. Seriously. Someone must haunt me. Everytime. Every single time. I was joking when I said I shouldn't had skydived, with my luck. But it wouldn't surprise me if I'd died there and then, that the paracute stopped working or something, because seriously.... I don't know. 

Today the catalog with wallpapers came, so I've been looking through it. And I'm thinking white walls, with some kind of pattern. And on the wall where the window is, I really really want to cover that with different kinds of cool patterned fabric, like curtains over the whole wall. May sound weird, but I think it's going to be amazing! AH, so excited.

And I have a dream... I really really want a hammock chair. I've wanted one for years. Inside. Excited! This is so much fun!

I just woke up. A little sad to open my eyes and not see the blue sky and the top of the trees outside my window as I have the last few days. Well, it will be a good day anyway. Going to IKEA with my mum in a bit to get some new stuff for our new apartment. Ah, I love moving and all of this. I think it's so fun. Maybe that's just me? Most like when everything is done, I like the process. Maybe it is because I lived in the same apartment from birth to 14 years old, and always wanted to move. So now, when I get to, I love it... haha!

And next week I have to choose new wallpaper for  my room. I really have no idea what I want for my room.... so difficult!!

I went and saw The Hunger Games yesterday. I've been looking forward to this for so long now. And I wasn't disappointed, at all. SUCH A GOOD MOVIE! A few things were different from what I expected from reading the books, of course - that's how it always is... but other than that it was pretty freaking accurate.... Such an amazing story, the books are increadible, and the movie was too... If you haven't, I strongly suggest you go read the books, and then see the movie... Soooo amazing. And the movie was so close to my idea of the book, and that's so rare. Often it's nothing like you thought from reading the books and you're always so dissapointed... but no, not with this one... Just amazing.

Go read it, and see it.... and all of that! You won't be dissapointed!!

And it's full on spring outside now.. It's been a clear blue sky the last couple of days. And yesterday I saw hepatica (< blåsippor in swedish, haha) in the little grove outside.... it's really spring now! And I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks, when everything will be in bloom and the world (hehe sweden, to be corrected) will be filled with beautiful colors again....... And it's so warm in the sun. Layed in the sun and worked on my tan a bit yesterday, haha. It was so warm and lovely.

I'm going out and going to sit in the sun all day.... and other than that I'm going through my old pictures in my folders from 2010 and up and giving them a new edit. So fun! And I bet I'll have many to show! Stay tuned!

My blog is more or less dead nowadays... I guess it's like me. A bit empty. I just don't feel like I have anything at all to show. Nothing. I don't photograph at all anymore and writing.. well, no. And the camera just lays there in the bag, collecting dust... So little is happening now, yet so much... We're moving. And I'm now setteling into my new room, and that is fun. Spring is on it's way, although when I woke up this morning it was snowing and everything was covered in snow... Like what is going on?! Now it's all gone, thank god. Hopefully it'll get warmer soon, I'm still freezing my ass off over here.

In a few weeks a very missed and loved friend will hopefully visit and stay for the week, and then I'll maybe have some more stuff to show you, and more inspiration... But thank you for still being there.

What is going on in your life? I would love to know!

Someday, I'm going to own a labrador retriever. I'm so inlove with that breed. When I was little my by far biggest dream was to get a dog. But since both me and my mum was allergic it wasn't possible. When I was eight maybe, a woman, Monica, in our neighborhood was in a serious accident, she was hit by a car and breaking her leg so severely that the bone couldn't be saved and she was put in a wheelchair, and did her best to try different things to save her leg - none which worked sucessfully to build the new bone, and she did her best to stand the pain throughtout the coming years. But she had a labrador retriever, Bamse, which she now couldn't go on long walks with, which they both was used to. And since her husband worked long days he hadn't the time to go on daily walks, like Bamse had gotten everyday before. I started talking to them both, seeing her with her dog rolling around the neighboorhood in her wheelchair. And I became friends with the woman, and it ended up that I met them outside on their daily "rolls" - {yes, maybe is the more accurate word} around the neighborhood. I hung out with them all the time, and it was now daily, so everyday at nine o'clock, before I went to bed I met them outside and went with them. 

I always had a strong mind. And I'm very stubborn, so a big dog was so easy to handle for me and I don't think much of what I'm doing with dogs, but I've gotten a lot of complimants from a very early age that I'm very good with dogs, so I guess it's sort of natural. But looking back, I can't understand how she could trust an eightyear old go for three hour walks with such a big dog. When thinking back, I didn't think I was so young at all, but that's the mind of everyone at that age i think, but when seeing pictures from that time - I was so little.

You've all probably heard the news of Witney Houstons death, and almost everyone on facebook has a status saying "RIP" or something in that direction.. Honestly, I couldn't care less. Never been a fan of hers, and just because she is dead I'm not going to be all like "Oh i miss her, I've always been a fan" etc like the majority of people I've seen does. The fact that upsets and makes me so sad is the fact that hundred, thosands of people die everyday from starvation, dirty water and all that, and people doesn't even care and just looks the other way, but as soon as a celebrity dies - the majority of them from their own selfharm and drugs - everyone is heartbroken. I find that so extremely wrong. And that I don't care about her death might sound so heartless to you, but I've never liked her, didn't even know she existed much, didn't listen to her music, so just because she is dead I'm not going to act like I once cared to start with, you know?... like most people seem to do.

"They only care when you're dead".
{But as you probably can understand I'm not happy about her death at all, so don't interpret it that way}

I find it so heartbrokening that people die everyday, that so extremely many people die every minute, all the time from things you can help prevent, and all you do is look the other way. But as soon as someone famous die.... ah, i just can't understand it.. and it breaks me....

{and the same thing was with steve jobs. just can't make sense of where the worlds is heading....}

picture copyright http://www.givenow.com.au | edited by me

New design. A little bit like a new start. And now I'm just going to write and blog about exactly what I want. Take it or leave it, but I really hope you all stay. I have such an inspiration to blog again! And now it feels like I can blog about anything and everything, and I really love that...

And I'm going to start writing in english again, I'm sorry if not all of you like that, but I love the language, and the fact that I actually think in english makes it kinda weird for me to write in swedish. English is such a beautiful language my heart aches for the day when I can speak it all the time... 

AH, such a beautiful language...